The Assignment is a series of blue circles behind the “men’s bathroom” guy. It should be noted that if you ever presented this tract to someone and they didn’t accept Jesus, you could always spin it around really fast until they believed they were the “men’s bathroom” guy.
This is an automatic free pass into Heaven as far as God is concerned.
In Heaven things are not really planed out too far in advance. In the case of Charles Bishop, his three guardian angels find out about his terrible death roughly 17 days before hand. They realized they’ve just fucked up bit time and now need to rush things. As any ordained minister will tell you, a rushed salvation almost always needs to be re-salvated a month or so later.
The angels need to find some human to do their dirty salvating. Tim is useless and bald. But lucky for the angels there is always jail bait Christian girls than can be used.
Also, fuck you angels for having flat screen TV technology back in the whenever the fuck this was written.
Preparations and precautions predetermine practical purity pussycats!
Ah shit the demons are after him too. And the word is out. And the word was with God and the word was God. And the word is that Bishop is gonna die.
Jack Chick must have really hated this Tim guy to be bashing him so unrelentingly. I mean aside from the name calling he’s going to have demons go to work on his wife? Good job Ethel, you married Jack Chick’s most sworn and hated enemy.
Oh Cathy Hillman, trouble you are for the demons of the night. Why must you know the word and so forth? Grow some balls demons. Go kill her pets and rape her teddy bears. She’s 16, stop putting up with this!
Tim proves his worthlessness by convincing himself that giving Charles a little tract will grant him eternal life. HE’S A BIG BOSS! HE NEEDS A BIG TRACT!
You know that shame you felt every time you masturbated when you were younger? It was because an angel was whispering in your ear. And it knew.
It knew.
Well doesn’t that just sum up every horror I ever had about anything.
Sometimes Jack likes to stress certain points in sentences. In these cases he uses bold text for a word or two. Then if he needs another he uses it again. Then he uses A TOTALLY DIFFERENT FONT! Followed by underline italics! Then ITALIC BOLD! Then just REGULAR ITALICS!
It makes it easier to read.
Charles has not taken a workplace sensitivity training class in a really long time. Last I checked your boss wasn’t allowed to walk up and check to see what kind of religious ceremonies you may or may not have been performing over your chicken fried steak and crunchy green beans. It doesn’t matter though, after Tim thanked God for his delicious lunch that his wife didn’t poison, he quickly renounced him.
TAKE THAT FOOD PROVIDING COSMIC BEING!
Oh Buz you are super swell. And handsome! And you got a demon influencing your decisions. Just like every man on earth.
If by demon I meant penis. And by decisions I meant sex. And by handsome I meant reach around.
Two censored swear words on the same f**king page? Holy F**CKING SH** C***!
I mean @!!!*!
Ah the struggle between good and evil is waged not in the heavens above or the depths below. The forces of light face off against the darkness in every soul of man. There within, the balance of all things great and significant is won or lost. For maybe it is not that man worships his creator or denounces him. Maybe it is only that existence is a force so powerful, all eternity desires to claim it.
BOOBIES!
Demonic forces use A1 insurance... to insure your soul ends up in hell!
I don’t care how powerful they are. If someone asks me what I’m doing today and an angel tells me to go wash my hair, I’m going to tell him I plan on fucking the pope and burring plastic bottles at the south pole.
If this was 24, Kiefer Sutherland would have concerns over the direction the writing staff was taking the show.
Jack Chick is a terrible artist.
Jack Chick is so bad at drawing; he used MS Paint 25 years before it existed.
Seriously Cathy, don’t stop. Don’t stop Cathy, don’t stop!
Oh fuck you angel! Using the elderly like that. Damn her and her arthritis from 1932.
After reading him the entire Bible (Only a crazy person would accept a religion without reading its holy book in its entirety), Cathy has convinced good old Charles Bishop, who here by just become our hero for the tract, to accept Jesus!
Right after he thinks about it tonight.
Oh @!!!* me.
CONCLUSION: Angels suck at their jobs.
Till next Friday.
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